How to Talk to Children About a Serious Illness

Talking to children about illness, especially when a family member has a serious diagnosis, is one of the hardest conversations you will ever have. You might feel like waiting until you have all the answers, but children cope better when they know the truth, even when that truth is painful.

Believe it or not, silence does little to protect them. Instead, it can leave them feeling confused, anxious, and alone. When you include children in what is happening, you give them a greater sense of safety and trust during an uncertain time.

In this article, we will explain how to talk about illness with children of different ages, share practical tips for these conversations, and outline ways to support your child emotionally.  And if you need guidance along the way, PalAssist offers free support for families facing these moments.

 Let’s walk through it together.

Why Talking to Children About Illness Is Important

Children cope better with honesty, even when the news is difficult, because it helps them feel safe and included. 

When something serious is happening at home, kids sense it. They notice the hushed phone calls, the worried faces, and the changes in routine. And when no one explains what’s going on, they often create their own explanations (and their imaginations rarely paint a gentle picture).

That’s why open communication with your children can make such a difference. When you share what’s happening in simple, honest terms, you build trust. Your child feels like part of the family during a difficult time, rather than being shut out and left to guess.

On the other hand, avoiding these conversations can increase your child’s anxiety. Without information, children may feel isolated or even blame themselves for the tension they sense around them. Ultimately, honest words, even hard ones, give them something real to hold onto.

How to Explain a Life-Limiting Illness to Different Age Groups

How much should you tell a five-year-old compared to a teenager? The answer depends on their developmental stage. 

Children at different ages process information about death and illness in different ways, so adjusting your approach helps them understand and feel supported. 

There are several ways to customise your conversations for different age groups.

Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)

Young children need simple, concrete language. They may not fully understand what a life-limiting illness entails, so focus on the basic facts. For example, you might say, “Grandma’s body is very sick, and the doctors are helping her feel comfortable.” 

Be prepared to repeat this explanation several times, as little ones process information slowly and may ask the same questions again.

Primary School Children (Ages 6-12)

This age group can handle more detail and often asks direct questions. To be honest, they often surprise parents with how much they already understand. 

Try to give clear answers and let them know it’s okay to ask more questions later. They may want to know practical things, like whether they can still visit or what will happen next.

Teenagers (Ages 13-17)

Teens often want adult-level information about the illness, the prognosis, and what to expect. Give them space to process their emotions independently, but remind them that support is available when they need it (even when they act like they don’t want to talk, they’re often listening closely).

Practical Tips for Family Communication During Palliative Care

The right setting and words can make a hard conversation feel more manageable for both you and your child. While supporting families across Queensland, PalAssist has found that where and when you have this conversation is just as important as what you say. 

Here are a few practical tips that can help you prepare.

Choose a Familiar Setting

Pick a quiet space where your child feels safe and free from distractions. This could be their bedroom, a comfortable spot in the lounge room, or even during a car ride when eye contact feels less intense. A familiar environment helps children focus and feel secure.

Use Clear Language

Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep” or “passed away,” as these phrases can confuse younger children or create fear. Instead, use direct words like “dying” or “their body has stopped working.”

Welcome Questions and Admit Uncertainty

Let your child ask anything, and answer honestly. 

What does “honest” really mean here, though? Well, it means matching your words to what your child can handle. And if you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say, “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll tell you when I find out.”

Once you’ve had the initial conversation, your focus shifts to supporting your child’s emotional response.

Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Needs While Providing Palliative Care

Have you noticed your child acting differently lately? Changes in behaviour are often how children express difficult emotions. They might not have the words to say “I’m scared” or “I’m sad,” so their feelings come out in other ways (children often express grief physically before they can name it emotionally).

You might notice things like trouble sleeping, clinginess, tummy aches, or sudden outbursts of anger. Some children regress to younger behaviours, like bedwetting or wanting to be carried. These reactions are normal responses to stress and uncertainty.

One of the best ways to provide support during this time is by keeping familiar routines in place. School, mealtimes, and regular activities give children a sense of stability when everything else feels unpredictable. And this predictability creates a safe anchor for them.

It also helps to create regular, low-pressure opportunities for your child to share their feelings. A quiet walk together or some one-on-one time before bed can open the door to conversation without forcing it.

When to Seek Extra Help for Your Family’s Palliative Care

Once you’ve started these conversations, you may realise your family could benefit from extra professional support. This is completely normal, and reaching out early can make a real difference.

Let’s look at some clear signs your child may need extra support. 

Sign	What It Might Look Like
Sleep problems	Nightmares, trouble falling asleep, or sleeping too much
Withdrawal	Avoiding friends, family, or usual activities
Behaviour changes	Ongoing anger, sadness, or regression lasting more than a few weeks

Based on our firsthand experience, families who reach out before the crisis point often feel more prepared and less alone. 

Your palliative care team, a health professional, or community services can also help you find the right support for your child’s needs.

Support for Your Family’s Palliative Care Needs

Having these conversations, even imperfectly, is one of the most loving things you can do for your child. You don’t need to have all the answers or say everything perfectly. What your child needs most is your honesty, your presence, and the reassurance that they’re not facing this alone.

And if you need the support, PalAssist’s team of registered nurses and counsellors is here to help your family through this journey. You can reach out anytime from our website or call for free, confidential guidance.

Disclaimer

This blog provides general health and product information for educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or replace advice from your healthcare professional. Always seek guidance from your GP, nurse, continence advisor, or pharmacist regarding your individual needs. If symptoms persist or you’re unsure about product use, consult a qualified healthcare provider.